From the monthly archives:

September 2010

Empire Avenue Wisdom 003

by THE INFLUENCIER on September 30, 2010 •  1 comment

Be the last to sell, if you find them interesting.

Be the last to sell, if you find them interesting.

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Empire Avenue Wisdom 002

by THE INFLUENCIER on September 29, 2010 •  comment

Be the last to sell, if you're investing for the long term.

Be the last to sell, if you’re investing for the long term.

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Rodent Ruckus Redux – The (e)DUPS Interview

by THE INFLUENCIER on September 29, 2010 •  comment

Empire Avenue CEO Duleepa 'Dups' WijayawardhanaEditor’s Note: This article is the third in a series of posts from THE INFLUENCIER honoring the heroes of and remembering the horror that was the “Hail of a Thousand Nuts.”  To learn more about this historic event, read posts tagged squirrel.

We Must Never Forget! It was on this very day, five days ago, 46 days prior, that the infamous “Hail of a Thousand Nuts” became little more than a “Sprinkling of a Handful of Acorn Shavings” within Empire Avenue Headquarters and around the world, when Sir Rudiger Esquirel, III (e)SQRL began his first day as a newly minted Marketing Department employee. Such a peaceful resolution to “the troubles” would not have been possible were it not for the the fearless leadership, compassion and capacity for compromise by Empire Avenue CEO Duleepa Wijayawardhana (e)DUPS.*

As part of our continuing coverage looking back at “The Rodent Ruckus” and our look forward at the future of Empire Avenue, THE INFLUENCIER recently met with the modest and humble CEO while he was jet-setting around the globe bragging to people about his new influence-powered speed boat. We interviewed (e)DUPS at San Francisco International Airport in between baggage claim carousel rides. A transcript of that interview follows.

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Empire Avenue Wisdom 001

by THE INFLUENCIER on September 28, 2010 •  comment

Be the first to invest. EAv Wisely.

Be the first to invest.

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An Epic Empire Avenue Battle of Wits and Twits

by THE INFLUENCIER on September 25, 2010 •  7 comments

The Dragon's Tournament on Empire Avenue. It's Hot!Today, the Dragon’s Tournament, an epic battle of wits and twits, er, I mean tweets, has been raging amongst members of The Dragon’s Cave — the hottest personal community on Empire Avenue. The Flaming Dragon (e)SLEEP, current share price leader and Queen of Da Cave, is holding the contest in order to find a knight worthy of serving by her side as King of Da Cave. Earlier this evening, the final feat of bravery, wit and cunning was announced by (e)SLEEP and is now underway.

Competitors and spectators have gathered from across the globe to witness and participate in the challenge, including Jordan Hodges (e)JORDNH, Jitesh Panchal (e)UNS33N, Olivier Lussier (e)OL, Gina Montana (e)21GUNS, Bill Sellers (e)BILL, Darcy Kiernan (e)SCUBA, Olivier Gagnon (e)GAGNON, Allie Wojtaszek (e)ALLIE, Lyne Robichaud (e)PAPIER, Adriel Hampton (e)ADRIEL and the evil Kyle Giesbrecht (e)DOOD.

Like a wandering minstrel of yore, THE INFLUENCIER now offers a musical tribute to the valiant participants in this noble quest.

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The Truth Behind Empire Avenue Employee IPOs

by THE INFLUENCIER September 24, 2010 2 comments

If you hadn’t noticed, you can now buy shares of Empire Avenue Employees with your hard earned eaves. Prior to today, these so-called “E-Class” stocks were unavailable for purchase, although one could easily lose him or herself for hours merely by gazing at their enchanting E-Shields and provocative profile pictures. Especially, if one were gazing […]

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BREAKING: Facebook Problem Solved

by THE INFLUENCIER September 23, 2010 2 comments

MISSISSAUGA, ON 8:14PM – THE INFLUENCIER has just learned that an unknown person or persons has solved the “Facebook problem“. Sometimes you have to take the law into your own hands. Justice can be swift. Especially Vigilante Justice. THE INFLUENCIER will stay on top of this story if any thing else comes to light. But […]

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BREAKING: Empire Avenue Cleared of Wrongdoing

by THE INFLUENCIER September 23, 2010 0 comments

Empire Avenue Cleared of Wrongdoing, Bill Pitcher No Longer Interesting EDMONTON, AB6:23 PM CST – Service to the popular social networking site where my cat will stop smoking meth, I will name my son Batman, and the world won’t end in 2012 (for real) (official) if 1,000,000 people join this group, Facebook, was restored briefly […]

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BREAKING: Interpol Expands Investigation

by THE INFLUENCIER September 23, 2010 2 comments

William Pitcher named as “Person of Interest” MISSISSAUGA, ON 4:18PM CST – An unnamed source close to the investigation has confirmed to THE INFLUENCIER that Empire Avenue is indeed under investigation by the Interpol Cybercrime Division in relation to the recent system-wide outage of the popular social networking and ex-girlfriend stalking site, Facebook. According to […]

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BREAKING: Empire Avenue Squirrel Questioned

by THE INFLUENCIER September 23, 2010 0 comments

Source: Interpol Cybercrime Agents at Empire Avenue HQ to Question (e)SQRL EDMONTON, AB 4:03PM CST – An unnamed source close to the investigation has confirmed to THE INFLUENCIER that agents from Interpol’s Cybercrime Division were on site at Empire Avenue Headquarters to question Sir Rudiger Esquirrel, a former Server Room Intern who now works in […]

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BREAKING: Empire Avenue Under Investigation

by THE INFLUENCIER September 23, 2010 0 comments

Interpol Cybercrime Agents Spotted Outside Empire Avenue Headquarters EDMONTON, AB 3:26PM CST – THE INFLUENCIER has learned that agents from Interpol’s Cybercrime Division were spotted outside Empire Avenue Headquarters today. It would appear that the fiesty Canadian startup is under investigation. The question is, under investigation for what? THE INFLUENCIER is on the story, badgering […]

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Influence is an extraordinary tool. What will you do with it? The Influencier