INFLUENCIER ALERT: The collection of Limited Edition Collector’s Shares under THE INFLUENCIER‘s control continues to grow with the recent addition of the 10,00th share of Robert Wright, or as he is more commonly known, the dastardly evil (e)DREVIL. Little is known about this menacing misanthrope, other than he is reportedly a member of the DeathEaters Community on Empire Avenue. Rumor has it that he and his henchman are using their influence on Empire Avenue to amass wealth and power to build some sort of empire. When asked what kind of empire he plans on building, (e)DREVIL simply replied,
“What kind of empire? Why, the eeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvviiiiiiiiillllllll Empire! Muhahahahahahahahaahhahahahaahahahaha!”
Due the extremely dangerous nature of (e)DREVIL and to ensure the safety and security of all of the holdings within THE VAULT, extra precautions have been taken. While the total extent of which additional security protocols have been enacted cannot be discussed, THE INFLUENCIER does feel comfortable in revealing the following, in the hopes of discouraging any attempts to breach the integrity of THE VAULT.
ADDITIONAL (BUT NOT ALL) VAULT SECURITY MEASURES
- Shark-mounted Lasers
- Laser-guided Attack Monkeys
- Laser-guided Attack Monkeys mounted to lasers that are mounted to Sharks.
- Switched the “Welcome Mat” in front of vault door with verrrrrrry sticky double-sided tape.
- A verrrrrry frightening Scarecrow.
- A verrrrrry frightening Scarecrow which will burst into flames at random intervals and cackle loudly.
- A Scarecrow with a laser. Very frightening.
- A kitten. (Everybody loves kittens. Should distract would-be robber long enough for authorities to arrive).
- A sign that says, “Beware of Sharks and Monkeys. And Scarecrows.”
- A sign that says, “Have you seen the kitten?” with arrow pointing to the kitten.