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Empire Avenue iPhone App Released!

by THE INFLUENCIER on August 11, 2010 •  43 comments

Empire Avenue iPhone AppThe first Empire Avenue iPhone App is finally a reality! The developers,, have received word from Apple that their app, Intense Trader, has been approved and will appear in the AppStore later this week. Intense Trader will sell for $0.99.

IntenseApps has provided THE INFLUENCIER with an advance copy of the app. The tool simplifies many of the routine activities one performs on Empire Avenue and provides a plethora of innovative, customizable alerts, including notifications for rising and falling share prices, share availability and an influencer’s online status. Some features, such as the the ability to automatically sell shares of an influencer who sells shares they own in you, may prove to be controversial. Our in-depth, hands-on review of the app with detailed descriptions of features, flaws and screenshots follows.

Intense Trader for the Empire Avenue Stock Exchange combines a wealth of social networking utilities, trading tools and other resources into one very handy trader’s toolbox. promised a “Total Empire Avenue Stock Exchange Revolution” and we’re here to tell you, they deliver!

Empire Avenue iPhone AppTrading Tools

SWIPE TO BUY – Swiping your finger down the list of New Arrivals allows you to purchase the maximum number of shares in each one, simultaneously, a tremendous time-saver.

SHAKE TO SELL – If you shake your iPhone, you can liquidate your entire portfolio instantaneously. Especially handy when you are in need of an upgrade. A word of warning, it is especially easy to accidentally liquidate your portfolio, and there is no undo function. You’re going to want to set the sensitivity very low on this one.

AUTO SOLICIT – You can set Intense Trader to automatically post “Buy Me!” shouts on random influencers’ profile pages. The app allows you to target a particular share price range and set the desired number of exclamation marks to include at the end of the comment.

REVENGE MODE – One of the more controversial features, if someone who owns you sells your shares, Intense Trader will automatically sell any shares of them that you own. If you don’t own any shares of them, the app will purchase the max amount of shares possible in the offending influencer, and then sell them.

EAVIFY VR – Only works on newer model iDevices equipped with a camera, compass, and GPS. Using Virtual Reality, you can view price tags, menu items, or your credit card statements with the iPhone camera and EAVIFY VR shows you what things would cost if they were priced in  eaves.

JOSHIFY – Compares your dividend to that of Empire Avenue multi-millionaire (e)JOSH. We advise not using this function while you are at work, or while you are with your significant other.

IntenseApps has partnered with Luke Nyland (e)LLAMA to offer automatic translation of your daily Empire Avenue Earnings Report into “Llama-speak” as pictured below:

Empire Avenue iPhone AppSocial Networking

One of the primary goals of Empire Avenue is to monitor your social network connections and attach a value to your activity and reach within those networks. Intense Trader provides a number of tools that will allow you to more easily manage the various networks and communities you belong to, and help dramatically increase your influencer scores on flickr, facebook, twitter and the Empire Avenue site itself.

Insincere Thanks & Thumbs – By activating this setting, Intense Trader automatically posts a “Thank You” shout and gives a “Thumbs Up Rating” when someone purchases your shares. Eliminates the need to actually introduce yourself to someone or engage in pleasant small talk.

Online Status Indicator – Reveals whether an influencer is currently offline or online. If someone is online, it will also indicate how long it has been since they last slept.

EBN Auto Subscribe – Having a blog, and regularly posting to it, is vital if you want a higher share price. No one understands this better than the folks over at, home of “real advice for building fake wealth” guru, William Pitcher (e)RZR. In addition to subscribing you to the EBN RSS Feed, the EBN Auto Subscribe feature sets you up as an Empire Building Network Author. You’ll receive your first writing assignment from (e)RZR in your inbox within minutes.

World Traveler – Activate the Intense Trader World Traveler and you will automatically join, post a comment, and leave, each City Community on Empire Avenue in succession, endlessly. The comments which the app posts for you are posted in each City’s native language. The content of the comments are random, but vague enough to elicit a response from other community members and thus boost your influencer score.

IRL MENTIONS – One of the more cutting-edge tools provided by Intense Apps takes advantage of the yet-to-be released Empire Avenue IRL Influencer Score. Utilizing the iPhone microphone, the app tracks how often you talk about Empire Avenue “In Real Life” or discuss particular influencers in your real-world conversations. Similar to twitter mentions, whenever you use a particular influencer’s name or say aloud an Empire Avenue ticker in normal conversation, a notification will appear in that person’s profile stream on the Empire Avenue website. The function does not track mentions of tickers in telephone conversations, because the developers figured no one actually uses the iPhone to make phone calls anyway, so why bother.

Empire Avenue iPhone AppCustomizations Abound

Intense Trader allows for many ways to personalize your experience. For starters, there is a color palette option that allows you to to choose what color the Empire Avenue website appears when viewed in your browser. Your choices are:

  • Empire Avenue Original
  • More Bluer
  • Blue & White
  • Blue & White with shades of Blue.

There is also an Auto Pilot Function which basically monitors your portfolio for you and makes transactions based on which stocks are rising or falling in share price. It would appear there are still some bugs in this function. In our tests, Intense Trader would only sell shares of (e)SHADAX and buy shares of (e)DARING. Your mileage may vary.

Another handy setting is the Email Quota Alert. Intense Trader will notify you when your email inbox is full due to the massive amount of email notifications Empire Avenue sends on a daily basis. Gmail Users probably won’t need to activate this setting, but you never know.

Perhaps the most fun and interesting aspect of Intense Trader are the indepth profiles of Empire Avenue Employees or (E-Class stocks as they are known). The app includes biographies, profile links, short stories by the Empire Avenue Team  and photo-albums which are sure to be a hit. The screenshots below are from in-app profile on VP of Marketing and Media Relations, Tom Ohle (e)TOM :

Empire Avenue VP of Marketing and Media Relations

Empire Avenue Vp of Marketing and Media Relations Tom OhleEmpire Avenue VP of Marketing and Media Relations Tom Ohle

The developers tell us that they will be adding more photo albums in the future, with Empire Avenue CFO & COO Robert Kallir’s (e)KALLIR “Elevators from Around the World” and Director of Digital Alchemy Aaron K. White’s (e)BIGA “Adventures in Home Remodeling” coming soon.

Lastly, and most importantly, the app also includes a flashlight.

Intense Apps is not joking when they say their app will launch a Total Empire Avenue Stock Exchange Revolution In our opinion, Intense Trader for the Empire Avenue Stock Exchange is definitely a “must buy.” To find it, search for “iTEASE” or “TEASER” in the AppStore.

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{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }

Adriel HamptonTicker: August 11, 2010 at 6:41 pm

Brilliant, simply brilliant.

JOSHTicker: August 11, 2010 at 6:44 pm

You rock Doug, haha.

DARRYL A. ARMSTRONGTicker: August 11, 2010 at 6:51 pm

Very cool! Getting my new iPhone on Friday and putting this on my app list now…

Joanne CostelloTicker: August 11, 2010 at 7:19 pm

Super cool. Looks like an amazing combination of practical functions paired with creative and fun features. Did you create this, Doug? I am so impressed!

Olivier LussierTicker: August 11, 2010 at 7:59 pm

Awesome! Are there any plan for an Android version?

THE INFLUENCIERTicker: August 11, 2010 at 8:32 pm

Android? I’m not sure. I’ll talk to the developers and see what they can whip up…

Olivier LussierTicker: August 11, 2010 at 8:55 pm

That would be great because oddly my Milestone won’t run iPhone apps… 😉

Gonzalo NovoaTicker: August 12, 2010 at 12:07 am

This is great work Doug, thanks for bringing us this ground breaking info. 😉

Allie WojtaszekTicker: August 12, 2010 at 1:05 am

Funniest thing I’ve read all day 🙂

JOSHTicker: August 12, 2010 at 1:13 am

When i read these comments, i have the paralyzing suspicion that most people did not read past the first two paragraphs. haha

JOSHTicker: August 12, 2010 at 1:14 am

well, *some* anyways, haha.

THE INFLUENCIERTicker: August 12, 2010 at 1:18 am

Well Josh, judging by the site stats, you might be correct in your suspicions. Interesting things, site stats are.

THE INFLUENCIERTicker: August 12, 2010 at 1:19 am

What a coincidence — it’s the funniest thing I’ve written all day! Thanks, Allie, glad to hear you enjoyed it!

Joanne CostelloTicker: August 12, 2010 at 1:58 am

I totally thought this was real. I don’t know anything about application development, but couldn’t you do something this creative?! I skipped the middle bit so missed more obvious signs (lol) that this is purely satirical – like the colour palette. And, no, I don’t think the Tom Ohle feature is an easy give away.Given EA’s cult like culture, I think a lot of people would appreciate a personalized feature of this sort. Where did you even get those photos? He looks like a model.

THE INFLUENCIERTicker: August 12, 2010 at 2:59 am

Joanne, I don’t know much about application development either, but I aspire to. I’m sure somebody probably could figure out how to do some of these things, though some would be in violation of the Empire Avenue Terms of Service, like the automatic buying and selling. As for the Tom photos, you’re right, they are not an easy giveaway, the best fiction is always seasoned with truths. The Tom photos were In fact the catalyst that sparked the whole idea. When the launch day youtube video aired, I saw some comments and tweets about how some folks thought Tom was attractive, and the idea just grew from there. The first photo is the “official” Empire Avenue headshot from EA’s flickr, the second, I have to give credit to Google, and the third is a cropped freeze frame from the Empire Avenue launch day youtube video.

Gonzalo NovoaTicker: August 12, 2010 at 5:49 am

The #EAv iPhone app has helped me reach the top 1 weekly earners spot. I’ve been using it for 2 days now and its great!

dbTicker: August 12, 2010 at 6:52 am

Outstanding wit. Do you happen to have an app for cleaning coffee from keyboards?

Janine WhiteTicker: August 12, 2010 at 7:40 am

I’m looking for the Android version.

Olivier LussierTicker: August 12, 2010 at 7:45 am

My favorite feature is the IRL mentions, would be awesome…ly creepy to have my phone listen and understand everything I say!

Brent Knowles (yourothermind) August 12, 2010 at 9:25 am

You sir are a genius.

Luke NylandTicker: August 12, 2010 at 9:56 am

For one brief, glinting moment I actually thought the Llamatastic Translator had been developed!

Absolutely brilliant post, well done!

THE INFLUENCIERTicker: August 12, 2010 at 10:00 am

Luke – Wait, what? There’s no Llamatastic Translator?!? You mean this is a joke?!? I’ve been had!! How dare those pesky developers take advantage of the reputation for journalistic excellence THE INFLUENCIER has so carefully developed!!

Aaron White August 12, 2010 at 4:36 pm

I guess this means I have to design the Mobile version of the site to look like this. Thanks Doug!


THE INFLUENCIERTicker: August 12, 2010 at 4:45 pm

Well Aaron, as long as the mobile version includes photos of #hottom, I think you could design it to look like just about anything and you’d have a hit on your hands. Glad you enjoyed it!

Lance TaylorTicker: August 13, 2010 at 9:57 pm

But we can’t speak of ‘The Cabal’ setting either… it’s very tough to find also.

Doug, well done… I think I wet myself a little. Okay, more then a little.

ScratchTicker: August 14, 2010 at 1:20 am

Great piece. Strange though… I could have sworn it was August, not April. Hrm. Must be all in my head.

Mario HipolTicker: August 16, 2010 at 1:09 pm

Why can’t I find this in the store?

THE INFLUENCIERTicker: August 16, 2010 at 1:27 pm

Mario – You couldn’t find it? Did you spell it out, or did you use the Acronym for “Intense Trader for the Empire Avenue Stock Exchange” – iTEASE ?

Mario HipolTicker: August 16, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Ahh…I am simply not paying close enough attention…lol

THE INFLUENCIERTicker: August 16, 2010 at 1:49 pm

Mario – Fear not, you are not the first to fall for it, nor will you be the last (especially if (e)JOSH keeps RT this post) All in good fun! Looking forward to seeing your *real* app. Keep us posted on your progress!

IsmailTicker: August 16, 2010 at 8:44 pm

This is absolute gold! Both the future iPhone app AND the trending #hottom

XINETicker: August 16, 2010 at 8:49 pm

This makes me want an iPhone! Darn I am behind the times with cell phones 🙁

THE INFLUENCIERTicker: August 16, 2010 at 8:55 pm

Christine – Don’t worry, Intense Trader runs on any cellphone. You can also install it on your microwave, your toaster, or your 8-track cassette player.

Allen SaleTicker: August 17, 2010 at 2:04 pm

Abso-f-ing brilliant! This would make a great bit for a podcast.

I also heard that the app allows for ASTRAL projections depending on the amount in the user’s portfolio. For every 100k, the user can play outside the body for two hours without interruption.

(WARNING: IntenseApps is not responsible for any damages to the physical person during ASTRAL projection. Furthermore, if a severing of the silver chord occurs while the person is in OOBE [Out Of Body Experience], IntenseApps will not be required to provide a map back to the person’s physical self. For more information, consult the SOL documentation. And if a person can not reach their body back before the purchased time is up, the individual is hereby placed in the SOL vault.)

TreeTicker: August 17, 2010 at 4:30 pm

Let’s clear this up before it gets out of hand: #hottom & #EAv do absolutely nothing. Like the #goggles.

(e)IL October 29, 2010 at 4:35 am

This app is not available in the canadian Apple Store. It’s not serious!

Pierre TranTicker: November 24, 2010 at 3:40 am

I’d love an Android version!

Caleb StorkeyTicker: June 10, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Ha ha! Not seen this one. That’s brilliant Doug! I’m chuckling away at this!!!! Thank you 🙂

Brad KleinmanTicker: June 20, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Great article. There is a demonic part of me that wishes this was in fact on the app store. January 22, 2013 at 9:50 pm

Thank you for utilizing time in order to post “Empire Avenue iPhone App
Released! | The Influencier”. Thank you again ,Clark

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