Previous post:

Next post:

Ultimate Empire Avenue Chrome Extension

by THE INFLUENCIER on May 10, 2011 •  17 comments

Empire Avenue Chrome ExtensionsThe ULTIMATE Empire Avenue
Google Chrome Extension
For Firefox, IE9, Safari and Opera*

Want the inside track to Empire Avenue wealth and riches? Want to supercharge your eaves and dividends? Looking for the absolute best way to separate non-performing Empire Avenue stocks from Rising Rockstars? Intense Apps, creators of Intense Trader, the all-time best-selling Empire Avenue iPhone App, have just announced the release of The ULTIMATE Empire Avenue Google Chrome Extension for Firefox, IE9, Safari and Opera.*

Don’t have a PhD in macro economics? No Problem. You no longer have to spend hours and hours sifting through your Empire Avenue portfolio to sort the wheat from the chaff. With The ULTIMATE Empire Avenue Google Chrome Extension for Firefox, IE9, Safari and Opera* all the heavy lifting is done for you.

Claire McGonigal CMCG on Empire Avenue. She's good people. You should invest.


TIME TO K9 BREAK EVEN POINT: Calculates the time it takes to recoup your initial investment. In dog years.

DAYS TO BREAK UP POINT: Statistic primarily for those who use Empire Avenue as a substitute.

ROI/SN: Calculates your Return On Insomnia versus Sleeping Now.

RPS INDICATOR: Displays the odds that you will win a game of Rock Paper Scissors against this person (best of three).

KLOUT SCORE: Deprecated. (No longer pertinent).

GPS LOCATION: Provides real-time longitude and latitude of this person, even when they are not logged into Empire Avenue. Requires you to provide your Empire Avenue Ticker and Password, and grant the extension access to your browsing history. (Don’t worry, the extension doesn’t save this data. No, really. That would be creepy).

DIVIDEND DIVININATOR: Uses advanced algorithmic functions to determine future earnings. Cookies must be enabled in your browser for this stat to display. Specifically, Fortune Cookies.

PH LEVEL: Indicates the acidity of this stock’s #SharePriceJuice


Chris Pirillo (e)PIRILLO on Empire AvenueP4 PIRILLO POWER PARALLEL PORTFOLIO: Reveals how many shares of this particular stock Chris Pirillo (e)PIRILLO owns

P5 PIRILLO POTENTIAL PURCHASE PROBABILITY PREDICTOR: If Chris Pirillo (e)PIRILLO does not own this stock, this figure calculates the probability that he will purchase this stock in the future.

P9 PIRILLO POWER PACK 9.0: Reveals answer to the question, “If Pirillo Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers, How many Pickled Peppers would Pirillo Pick?

C4 COMPOUNDED COMPLEX CALCULATED CONVINCINATOR: A completely meaningless, randomly generated number. Or letter. Or combination of numbers and letters. Quite possibly a bowl of pudding. To be used as a completely irrelevant criteria on which to base your decision to buy or sell a stock. Or as a tasty,  inexpensive, easy to prepare dessert item.

CST: Shows the local time in Chicago, Illinois.

CSP/X RATIO: Displays the ratio of the number of times this person has spammed the [X] Bar Chat Room in proportion to the number of times fabled industrialst, philanthropist and part-time Chiroptera sapien, Adriel Hampton (e)ADRIEL has chastised and sold them for doing so. (Note: Will Always display 100%)

DUPS %: Likelihood that this person will accidentally delete their account.

X FACTOR: Probability that this person personally knows Simon Cowell and/or Paula Adbul.

[X] FACTOR: Probability that this person will be invited to join the CABAL

Y FACTOR: Probability that this person will request to join the CABAL

Z FACTOR: Probability that that this person will request to join the CABALL

ZOD FACTOR: Probability that this person goes around commanding people to kneel before him.

TRACTOR FACTOR: Probability that this person has difficulty determining where to plant rows of corn in Empire Avenue. (Hint: next to the beans and squash).

LIMITED EDITION BONUS FEATURE – SWIPE TO BUY / SHAKE TO SELL: Turns any laptop monitor, computer screen or toaster oven into a gyroscope enabled, touch-sensitive Retina Display. See a hot stock you can’t live without? Swipe the screen to max buy it. Need to liquidate your portfolio? Hoist the toaster over your head and shake (watch out for crumbs). Wait. I know what you’re thinking. It’s just chrome extension, isn’t it? Yes. Yes, it is. But this is no ordinary Chrome Extension. It’s the ULTIMATE Chrome Extension.  That’s why we named it The ULTIMATE Empire Avenue Google Chrome Extension. Duh. It’s right there in the name.

Chrome Web Store

Download the Extension today.

*NOTE: Google Chrome is not supported at this time.

Previous post:

Next post:

{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

Mike (e)STECHTicker: May 10, 2011 at 4:12 pm

This is brilliant. Thank you so much for the laugh.

William Pitcher May 10, 2011 at 4:18 pm

For a aid, at first I thought it was weird it didn’t say if she was single. Then I remembered you don’t care about that Doug – That’s just not how you roll. The real advice to remember from this post. Thanks for sharing.

Cheers, Bill.

THE INFLUENCIERTicker: May 10, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Easy, Tiger.

Chris PirilloTicker: May 10, 2011 at 4:41 pm

This. Is. TOO. Funny. 🙂

THE INFLUENCIERTicker: May 10, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Now I don’t know what to think. Is this the real Chris Pirillo, or is it Penguinspark Scott pretending to be Chris Pirillo?

Chris PirilloTicker: May 10, 2011 at 5:06 pm

It’s me. Tune into the live stream and I’ll Rick Roll you, too. 😉 Let me know…

Gina Malfang May 10, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Cookies? nom nom nom….”slow and steady wins the race”~ Ancient Chinese secret. 😉 Thanks for the laughs, Doug!
Chrome Extension ROCKS!

ColinTicker: May 10, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Another masterpiece – well done!!

dbTicker: May 10, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Awesome. Does The ULTIMATE Empire Avenue Google Chrome Extension run on Windows Me?

Holly JahangiriTicker: May 10, 2011 at 8:56 pm

I love, love, LOVE this – finally, some stock tips and math I can COMPLETELY understand.

THE INFLUENCIERTicker: May 10, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Only if you have Service Pack 2 installed.

jim talbotTicker: May 11, 2011 at 12:23 am

Haha! must be time for bed 😉 I was falling for this until I got to the RPS indicator…

josh @iDreamDigital May 11, 2011 at 1:22 am

typically awesome Doug 😀

DanielTicker: May 11, 2011 at 3:59 am

this was brilliant!

Rafael MongeTicker: May 14, 2011 at 1:30 pm

I’ll hope for Chrome is supported. Great job guys!

ridhuan fakhriTicker: June 1, 2011 at 9:08 am

awesomen dude!

Leave a Comment

{ 1 trackback }

Influence is an extraordinary tool. What will you do with it? The Influencier