Want the inside track to Empire Avenue wealth and riches? Want to supercharge your eaves and dividends? Looking for the absolute best way to separate non-performing Empire Avenue stocks from Rising Rockstars? Intense Apps, creators of Intense Trader, the all-time best-selling Empire Avenue iPhone App, have just announced the release of The ULTIMATE Empire Avenue Google Chrome Extension for Firefox, IE9, Safari and Opera.*
Don’t have a PhD in macro economics? No Problem. You no longer have to spend hours and hours sifting through your Empire Avenue portfolio to sort the wheat from the chaff. With The ULTIMATE Empire Avenue Google Chrome Extension for Firefox, IE9, Safari and Opera* all the heavy lifting is done for you.
COMPLETE LIST OF FEATURES AND STATS:
TIME TO K9 BREAK EVEN POINT: Calculates the time it takes to recoup your initial investment. In dog years.
DAYS TO BREAK UP POINT: Statistic primarily for those who use Empire Avenue as a Match.com substitute.
ROI/SN: Calculates your Return On Insomnia versus Sleeping Now.
RPS INDICATOR: Displays the odds that you will win a game of Rock Paper Scissors against this person (best of three).
KLOUT SCORE: Deprecated. (No longer pertinent).
GPS LOCATION: Provides real-time longitude and latitude of this person, even when they are not logged into Empire Avenue. Requires you to provide your Empire Avenue Ticker and Password, and grant the extension access to your browsing history. (Don’t worry, the extension doesn’t save this data. No, really. That would be creepy).
DIVIDEND DIVININATOR: Uses advanced algorithmic functions to determine future earnings. Cookies must be enabled in your browser for this stat to display. Specifically, Fortune Cookies.
PH LEVEL: Indicates the acidity of this stock’s #SharePriceJuice
1+1 CALCULATION: Two.
P5 PIRILLO POTENTIAL PURCHASE PROBABILITY PREDICTOR: If Chris Pirillo (e)PIRILLO does not own this stock, this figure calculates the probability that he will purchase this stock in the future.
P9 PIRILLO POWER PACK 9.0: Reveals answer to the question, “If Pirillo Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers, How many Pickled Peppers would Pirillo Pick?
C4 COMPOUNDED COMPLEX CALCULATED CONVINCINATOR: A completely meaningless, randomly generated number. Or letter. Or combination of numbers and letters. Quite possibly a bowl of pudding. To be used as a completely irrelevant criteria on which to base your decision to buy or sell a stock. Or as a tasty, inexpensive, easy to prepare dessert item.
CST: Shows the local time in Chicago, Illinois.
CSP/X RATIO: Displays the ratio of the number of times this person has spammed the [X] Bar Chat Room in proportion to the number of times fabled industrialst, philanthropist and part-time Chiroptera sapien, Adriel Hampton (e)ADRIEL has chastised and sold them for doing so. (Note: Will Always display 100%)
DUPS %: Likelihood that this person will accidentally delete their account.
X FACTOR: Probability that this person personally knows Simon Cowell and/or Paula Adbul.
[X] FACTOR: Probability that this person will be invited to join the CABAL
Y FACTOR: Probability that this person will request to join the CABAL
Z FACTOR: Probability that that this person will request to join the CABALL
ZOD FACTOR: Probability that this person goes around commanding people to kneel before him.
TRACTOR FACTOR: Probability that this person has difficulty determining where to plant rows of corn in Empire Avenue. (Hint: next to the beans and squash).
LIMITED EDITION BONUS FEATURE – SWIPE TO BUY / SHAKE TO SELL: Turns any laptop monitor, computer screen or toaster oven into a gyroscope enabled, touch-sensitive Retina Display. See a hot stock you can’t live without? Swipe the screen to max buy it. Need to liquidate your portfolio? Hoist the toaster over your head and shake (watch out for crumbs). Wait. I know what you’re thinking. It’s just chrome extension, isn’t it? Yes. Yes, it is. But this is no ordinary Chrome Extension. It’s the ULTIMATE Chrome Extension. That’s why we named it The ULTIMATE Empire Avenue Google Chrome Extension. Duh. It’s right there in the name.
Download the Extension today.
*NOTE: Google Chrome is not supported at this time.